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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jane the Pain's LiveJournal:

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    Friday, July 13th, 2007
    11:09 am
    Thunder
     Thunder died very peacefully today at 9:00 a.m.
    Pete was with me - and has been incredible.
    Thursday, July 12th, 2007
    9:04 pm
    Wow...this is what facebook isn't!
     I've been spending so much time on facebook that I've almost forgotten how to write in the first person. Wow..what a novelty.

    I just got out of the bathtub after watching my tummy ripple as little Critter kicked away wildly. Actually, he/she is still kicking away - I think the clatter clatter of the keyboard must be stimulating. That or the heaping bowl of Smarties Ice Cream I just ate like it was my last supper on Death Row.

    Actually, I sort of feel like I'm on Death Row right now. My horse Thunder, the one I got my second year living in Toronto with wonderful Pete, has been diagnosed with an incurable condition that has left him bascially three legged lame. He has been heavily medicated for the last month on huge amounts of painkiller - even on those, he is badly sore.

    I called the super vet to come and take some digital x-rays. He is a super vet because he came at 10:00 p.m. - and has a really cool laptop system where he hooks the camera up and can immediately assess if he needs to take further pictures or stop while the pricing is still possible to afford if one lives on dented cans of tuna for the next few weeks.

    His first x-ray told the whole story. Thunder's deep digital flexor tendon in his hoof runs over a very badly calcified ridge of bone caused by a condition called Navicular. As a result, the tendon has been shaved away slowly causing excruciating pain. The two treatment options were stall rest for a year (like Barbaro - and we know how that turned out) OR de-nerving. De-nerving is a very delicate and dangerous thing to do - essentially the horse loses all sensation in that hoof and it can easily abcess/cause him to stumble with riders and even fall on his head in the paddock and never recover.
    So..I was left with the one option I could emotionally and financially afford.
    Sadly, the nice country vet who does my normal vet work has not been available until Friday.
    After much phoning back and forth to secure the grim and horrid details, a time has been fixed for 8:15 a.m. tomorrow (Friday the 13th).

    That is in 11 hours.

    I feel sick. Everyone has been very kind and supportive and I have been cheerfully going to the barn every day to feed carrots and fuss over him. Also, I have had to take care of the sheer amount of stuff horse ownership carries with it - saddles, bridles, brushes, blankets, trailering equipment, medical items, training tools - it's really quite incredible what my last 15 years of horse ownership has helped me accumulate.
    I donated much of the still good stuff to a horse rescue shelter. The really nice things I sold at a consignment shop for horse equipment and the really precious stuff, my saddle etc., I am keeping.

    It's funny, since I got pregnant, Thunder's attitude towards me really changed. Actually - this year it changed - but lately it has been positively incredible. Thunder has always been a nervous and impulsive animal - startling easily and spinning away from any sign of trouble. When I rode for my first 4 months of pregnancy, Thunder never put a foot wrong - he was very docile and gentle with me - none of his usual devious "I wonder how fast I can dump this lady" manuvering.
    Also - he started to come over when I called him. And I don't mean ambling slowly over snatching a blade of grass along the way - I mean ears pricked, head up - full gallop to the fence with a brilliant sliding stop showering me with dust! And then, the nuzzles, cuddles, quiet whickers of delight at seeing me...it was something that the ten year old girl in me did backflips over - and - something I will remember about Thunder for the rest of my life.

    While I am thrilled and delighted and ecstatic about the baby, I am also beginning to mourn my former life that had felt so complete. It will be a long time before I can financially/emotionally/logistically afford a horse again. Since I can remember, horses have been the most important thing in my life (outside of people). I have owned horses through financial difficulty, different phases of education and employment (or lack thereof), heartbreak, joy, family dysfunction and reunion. I've only ever been depressed twice - both times when I wasn't surrounded by horses.

    I know I won't be able to ride until after the baby now. That's okay - I have something wonderful to look forward to - but something pretty wonderful to look back on as well.

    I've been trying to distract myself all day - I wonder how prisoners in jail cells manage - I've played countless games of solitare, written a paper for my course, walked the dog, read a book, taken a bath, had several gut-wrenching cries and now...I guess I just have to wait.

    I don't believe in Heaven for people, but I certainly do for animals. I took a picture of Thunder today as he walked away from me up the hill in in his field. It looked like he was walking into the clouds. I hope he was.

    I haven't written him much of a tribute because I fear of being overly sentimental in a 'Chicken soup for the hole' kind of way...but have I ever loved him.

    To a beloved and wonderful friend who has helped me learn to be calm and patient and act with integrity and compassion - Thank you Thunder.
    Friday, January 12th, 2007
    7:26 pm
    window installation
     You know I teach little kids...well - today they decided to install a new window in my classroom. The workers arrived at around 10:35 and continued measuring, banging, caulking, bumping, and being distracting for FIVE REAKING PERIODS.

    That meant, my entire day play was scrapped and it all turned into "ignore the broken window that will be dropping from the ceiling at any time into the middle of the classroom" for Three bloody hours.

    The best part was - my kids were really good about it. I managed to still have a number of surreal conversations about their odd homelives, teach them new games AND confiscate an entire cast of "littlest pets" that seemed to keep multiplying from desk to desk.

    Might I add that the littlest pets (and I love the word "Littlest") have the creepiest eyes - not unlike the Slutz dolls (I mean bratz) dolls that my kids are obsessed with.

    I've been drinking red wine by the half litre since I got home and now have to go and meet a friend who has just found out that her husband has been cheating on her and has left her for a younger (and less attractive and less intelligent) woman. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be slow and rather painful.
    Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
    10:43 pm
    Okay...so I'm now totally addicted to the idea of 1337 Leetspeak.

    Would this work? As in: "Mine goes up to !!11eleven11!!..."(Spinal Tap)
    Thursday, September 28th, 2006
    10:35 pm
    horse ownership
     One of the best things about owning a horse is being able to ride bareback. They are so warm - and it feels so cool to feel every ripple of muscle as they move. My horse is quite padded at the moment, so I was able to trot around without feeling like I would be sliced in two.
    He kept speeding up - which made me laugh - and as I laughed, he bounced more making me laugh even harder...it was really fun - and nice to be with him in a low-stress kind of way... we've been training very hard and I put so much pressure on myself - it was much more fun to just fool around.
    I sure am lucky to have a horse!
    Wednesday, September 20th, 2006
    8:40 pm
    Polaris Prize
     Yippee! Sarah Harmer and Broken Social scene did NOT win this year's newly minted Polaris prize...instead - an album with the best name ever: He Poos Clouds with Final Fantasy's Owen Pallett (sp?) won. My advice: check it out - it is freaking awesome!

    Sorry - I still don't know how to make hyperlinks in live journal. Probably now because I'm too lazy to learn.
    Wednesday, August 23rd, 2006
    10:38 am
    boots
     Nothing in a ladies' wardrobe can look quite a smashing as pair of brand new, European black leather riding boots. I just purchased a stunning new pair of Ariat field boots (they have swagger straps tastefully sewn down) at the top and a lovely lacing system over the foot with beautiful leather spur rests at the heel. After spending a full two hours inhaling their glorious scent, I have been able to put them down long enough to wear them in a horse show.

    And - after wearing the new darlings for 6 hours, I suffered not a rub nor a blister.

    Photos of these dazzling jewels of equestrian chic will be soon along. But I need to go back and breathe in their leathery goodness a bit longer.
    Friday, August 11th, 2006
    10:35 am
    cone head the retreiver
     Our super-cute dog Chip gets these strange, bloody sores on his neck called hot spots. They are extremely gross and require 3 times daily applications of cream and a full course of antipbiotics. Usually the hot spots clear up in a few weeks.

    This time has been quite different however. Chip has been obsessively scratching the scab off the hot spot on his right side - and has now been relegated to wearing "THE CONE." Now - Chip has gone from a happy-go-lucky, fun-loving golden retreiver to a blundering idiot crashing into walls, door frames and chair legs. Since Chip is a cone wearing veteran, he has slunk into a state of doggy depression and is lying around the living room floor as though is heart were fit to break. I'd feel sorry for him if it wasn't so funny to watch him try to navigate around the coffee table.

    I seem to remember a spell when Santa's Little Helper had to wear a cone. Chip looks even more pathetic.
    Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
    7:12 am
    Weee - We're in B.C. ( I began that post in chavvish and have since changed back to standard Canadian English).

    We've managed to pack quite alot in. I've ridden my friend Linda's horse, Jeff and Pete have gone out in Jeff's canoe, we've visited our friends Nancy and Francis and their newly hatched baby, Adele, we've been swimming (me naked!) at Wreck Beach, we've been to Stanley Park, Granville Market, Commercial Drive, taken the sky train, checked out the sketchtards down on East Hastings, AND, most recently, climbed a mountain called "the Chief." Aside from nearly losing my lunch when I realized how freaking high up we were, the mountain climbing experience was fantastic. The views were horrifyingly amazing (if you like heights). I just kept telling myself that the background was a very well painted movie set and I was watching the whole thing on a screen. That ploy worked for about five minutes.

    Today we are off to Salt Spring Island, the last bastion of Hippie paradise left in Canada. We'll be back to Vancouver soon. Then - we're off ot take the ferry up the coast to Alaska.

    One other neat thing I've noticed so far in Vancouver: nobody is actually FROM here. They're all transplants from somewhere else. Odd....
    Friday, July 21st, 2006
    9:18 am
    Honeymoon
     Fun, fun - today we leave for our honeymoon! I can't wait...we're going out to BC (can you believe it - I've never been there!)

    We're flying with Westjet from Hamilton. When we arrive, my friends Nancy and Francis who just had a baby girl named Adele, will pick us up. I'm knitting a baby blanket for Adele - but of course - it is nowhere close to being finished.

    Then, we are going over to Linda and Jeff's place in Burnaby where we'll be staying for about a week. (we're taking a detour over to Salt Spring Island for a night - ROCKING!!!)

    After a week has passed, we will take a ferry from Bellingham Washington to Skagway Alaska up that beautiful west coast. We're camping on the deck so that we can have even better panoramic views. I really want to see a walrus.

    In Skagway, we're hoping to do all the touristy gold rush things the town has to offer. Then we take a train and bus to Whitehorse and hang out there for three days. The city is named after a horse! I love it already.

    We return to Vancouver for a few days where we'll see Derek Difilipo's 6-9 piece funk band play and then fly home. We return on August 6th. At that point, I'll really be missing my pets - most notably, Thunder and Chip. As much as I do love little Chee Chee, he just isn't as much fun as the dog and horse.

    So.. my good buddy Tabitha will be living at our house, pet sitting and holding down the fort. Of course, the house is full of clutter and mess. That's the nice thing about old friends - they don't care!

    Better go and start packing...
    Sunday, June 4th, 2006
    1:50 pm
    adventures in icing sugar
     Inspired by my friend Kathleen's prowress with cake preparing, I've tried my second all-star special occasion cake. This time it's my Dad's 63rd birthday. Since my Dad is a rabid sports fan - in particular, American Collge Football and the CFL (Go CFL!!!) I decided to make a football shirt birhday cake. After some quick Internet research by my very long-suffering husband, I found just the jersey. My Dad has a huge love for University of Virginia where he completed his master's through a special distance ed program available at that time to Canadian students. Although he never attended any classes on the physical campus, he has pictures, postcards, t-shirts, mugs, pins, notepaper etc. overflowing from his rather stuffed to the seams study.

    Today's cake is as dark a navy blue as could make with frosting, and orange swords crossed and the numbers '63' emblazened on the sleeves. It looks....um.. well... I hope he likes it.

    Go blue and orange. Happy birthday Dad!

    (and my favourite cheer - Oskie wee wee..oskie wah wah..holy mackinaw ...TIGERS EAT 'EM RAW!)
    Sunday, April 30th, 2006
    5:39 pm
    So.. I beat a personal best and climbed the CN Tower in 20 minutes and 34 seconds. I shaved off time by sprinting near the end, not stopping and being more strategic on the landings - trying to spend as little time stepping on them as possible. I am very proud of myself - I had wanted a time that began with 20 - and I got it!

    I now bike to work - and even though it is a very short bike ride, there are a few hills that are quite punishing. I found biking was an excellent way to get my legs in better shape. There's still a long way to go - but last night I met a woman who is training for triathalons. She told me about a women's series of triathalons that are fun and supportive and not terribly competetive - and that you get a bouquet of flowers just for finishing. So..I'm debating on maybe starting to train for the sprints (750 metre swim, 5 km run and 20 km bike ride) - I think I could handle that. I'd probably finish dead last - but I don't really care that much - I'd just like to try it.

    Oh - and last night, we went out with some friends in Waterloo to see Rob Szvabo of former Groove Daddies glory play at the Starlight club. It is a great venue to see live music - and has a pretty cool vibe. The problem is - the group of friends that we go out with are so very very generous and LOVE to party. And...they buy drinks constantly. And..well. I drink the drinks that they buy me. And..well. Today wasn't very much fun. I finally dragged myself out the door to ride my horse. The trotting part was okay - but as soon as we started cantering, the rocking motion made me want to toss my cookies. So.. now I'm back at home, flat gingerale in hand, and head still aching.
    Funny how whenever I do something remotely athletic, I turn around and get blotto so all the good I just did gets immediately cancelled. Grrrr.

    And another thing..is that celery is negative calories really true? Or even possible?
    Friday, April 14th, 2006
    8:25 pm
    Good Friday
     Pete and I just hosted my parents for dinner. Pete made a beautiful prime rib, mashed potatoes, gravy, Yorkshire pudding and asparagus...it was amazing. The best part was, my parents were relaxed, fun and not critical. It was fantastic. I can't believe how nice that just was - that my parents were easy to get along with - and that everyone had fun.

    I have married a wonderful man. He is a fantastic cook, a good sport and a wonderful friend. (And more of course!)

    I love the people in my life. I'm so very lucky.
    Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
    3:23 pm
    Yesterday I went to the Water walker Film festival with my neighbour Sue. We saw 5 different shorts about Canoeing. I was impressed by how much fun white water canoeing looks. Sue told me that there are courses offered by the Waterloo Wellington Paddlers asscociation. I think I'd like to learn how. I really enjoyed learning to surf - this looks like a lot of the same princples only more suited to our home and native land.

    I also spent some decent time in my garden. I raked a whole bunch of leaves that I had been leaving over the garden as mulch and then made everything look much more organized. I cannot believe how quickly my tulips are coming up. I really really hope that there won't be another snowfall - I want to get on with Spring.

    After going for a great run and gardening, I sat in my chez lounge chair and felt the sun beat down on my face. It was heaven. I have worked at a breakneck speed this year - it will be really nice to start to unwind and stop having to go in on Sundays and getting in so early and staying so late. I'm going to burn out if it keeps on like this.

    It is also hard to make friends in a new city. I am a sort of "live for Saturday night" kind of person - and it's been two weeks in a row where I've been home alone. I actually kind of enjoy it. I think by the time I'm 80, the transition into hermit will be complete.
    Also - there are a whole pile of empty calories in booze - so it'd be just fine for my waistline if I didn't drink on the weekends. However - next weekend - finally - we're going to an electronic music party in Waterloo - it'll be fun - lots of DJ's and an after party...yay!
    Anyone want to come?
    Sunday, March 26th, 2006
    8:18 am
    I just awoke from a really amazing dream. In this dream, I had been travelling around with my grade one teacher Mrs. Carmichael. (Actually she came to see me a few months ago now that I'm a teacher..it was cool). We were delivering homework to her students that had been sick. One the students lived in the most lavish of surroundings - in a huge A frame house on the banks of a mostly private (huge) lake called "Lords of Geniuses". Well - I really had to pee (as I usually do in my dreams) - and so we snuck into this bizzare mansion in time to see the family zooming off in their yaght for a nice little boat ride mid afternoon. Of course - finding a bathroom was impossible and that meant I got ot explore every single room...yeah.. I seem to dream of breaking and entering and finding bathrooms quite frequently. What does this mean? I want to rebel? I am aging? I have a bladder infection?

    When I did get up, I went downstairs to let Chip out. And....it was warm. WARM!!! I could walk out in my slippers and pyjamas onto the deck and feel the lovely wonderful sun beaming down on me. I think I might set up a chair outside so I can drink my coffee in the delicious air. And..my bathroom is right where I left it. Phew.
    Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
    3:06 pm
    GRRRRR
     So - I have the day off - and after putting a new car in my name - Yeah - I'm now the proud owner of a slightly rusted 1993 Pontiac Grand Prix. This is the first car I have ever officially owned. It is quite exciting. My other car is leased - so I won't officially own that one until the summer. Then I will have a lordly total of two cars. God I'm rich.

    However, on the nice little bit of puddling around I did today -( I was planning on going to the university to buy Pete a Pi t-shirt - it is 03/14 day - or Pi day - how exciting for mathies all over) - but was instead railroaded by a bit of complete and total rudeness that has left me incapacitated.

    So.. as I was puddling around, I happened to walk into a little gift shop with totally cute little purses in the window shaped like dogs. While I would NEVER buy a purse like this for myself, I do know a certain owner of two Yorkshire terriers who might like a purse that looked like them. Maybe. Maybe not. - whatever - no sooner had I opened the door, when a woman came and hugged me for about a minute. It was very nice - it was my friend Rebecca (from the wedding - Maid of honour with the crappy speech - that one)'s mother. It was a tad awkward because Rebecca and I have been on the outs since the wedding - (may reasons - but they aren't getting resolved until we both have time to sit down and talk through everything)..but still - we have been friends since I was 13 - best friends - inserperable friends at times - friends that have helped each other through parental shit/boyfriend loserdom, university roommmate blues/first apartment jitters/job loss/gain/promotion and many nights of talking/crying/laughing until we both couldn't breathe anymore.
    Well - it came time for Rebecca's Mom to introduce me to the owner of the store - she introduced me as "someone Rebecca went to school with."
    My heart broke right then and there. Obviously, Rebecca and aren't at our best right now and probably the mother knows - but that's a pretty big 'dis. And a pretty clear way to negate that I ever mattered at all to her daughter - and was (and probably am still) the best friend her daughter has ever and will ever have. Good manners dictated that I not correct her right then and there, but bloody hell I was mad.
    So... just think - all the time/ache/energy and attention you can give a friend over 17 years can often just be summed up as something no better than a person who breathed the same air in the same classrooms in the same building and maybe sat in the same row. If I wasn't so mad, I'd probably cry.
    8:57 am
    Yeah - so now I can bask in the revelry of March Break. After a fabulously balmy and beautiful weekend where I cleaned up a season's worth of dog poo in the backyard (ugh) I could start to feel the ground begin to heave gleeful sounds of relief (or maybe it was dry heaving from the smell of the dog poo). I have quite a few garden expansion plans - including building a new raised bed in a much sunnier spot so Pete can grow more vegetables. I also want to pay more attention to the shape of my perennials this year - I sort of just threw things in the ground without really taking into consideration the height of some plants - that maybe I should put taller ones in the back - like a class photo. As someone with very little visual spatial sense, this sort of planning does not come naturally.

    Other things to do over March Break:
    1) get oil changes for both cars
    2) finally see an optomistrist so I can finally get a new contact lens perscription
    3) locate a family doctor
    4) book an appointment with new family doctor
    5) clean the kitchen floor
    6) do my income tax
    7) get a pile of new library books and read them
    8) get my hair done so that I don't look like a dowdy primary school teacher

    Well - when I look at my to-do list - only items 7 and 8 look like much fun.
    Hell - if it continues being this dull, I might even go to work a few days just to break up the monotony. What is wrong with me? Ten years ago, I would have been waking up, smoking a jazz cigarette (*not mine) and then wandering around going to coffee shops and second hand stores. Now I'm so disgustingly middle class that item six "clean the kitchen floor" actually gets honest lip service.

    The good news is - it is 9:15 a.m. and I am still in my pyjamas. How decadent. yawn.
    Monday, February 20th, 2006
    5:35 pm
    Helper
     I just tried that neat quiz from R's blog - coolio!

    I'm a helper" - isn't that nice?
    My Mantra:
    "I must help others"

    Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

    How to Get Along with Me

    Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
    Share fun times with me.
    Take an interest in my problems, though I will probably try to focus on yours.
    Let me know that I am important and special to you.
    Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

    In Intimate Relationships

    Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
    Reassure me often that you love me.
    Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be seen with me.
    What I Like About Being a Two

    being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
    knowing what people need and being able to make their lives better
    being generous, caring, and warm
    being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
    being enthusiastic and fun-loving, and having a good sense of humor

    What's Hard About Being a Two

    not being able to say no
    having low self-esteem
    feeling drained from overdoing for others
    not doing things I really like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
    criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
    being upset that others don't tune in to me as much as I tume in to them
    working so hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my real feelings
    Twos as Children Often

    are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
    try hard to please their parents by being helpful and understanding
    are outwardly compliant
    are popular or try to be popular with other children
    act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
    are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)
    Twos as Parents

    are good listeners, love their children unconditionally, and are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
    are often playful with their children
    wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
    can become fiercely protective

    Yep - that's about me then. I think a bit more confident than that though!
    Sunday, February 19th, 2006
    3:39 pm
    Brush with fame..
     I was toodling around on the Internet the other day looking up musicians I used to like to go and see live - and I happened upon Tamara Williamson's Web site. She was originally from England and used to have a band called "Mrs. Torrence" that was quite awesome. She is a fabulous singer with a passionate and breathy voice who sang some back up on a few Rheostatics songs. She dated the wacky and critically adored Martin Tielli and set off on what should have been a blistering solo career with a snarly sounding Gibson SG guitar and a stage full of effects peddals. She also sang with Guelph's King Cobb Steelie and more recently formed a Toronto-based electronic band called MicroBunny.

    So.. I checked out her Web site (very beautiful - www.tamarawilliamson.com) and saw a whole pile of pictures of horses. Hmmmm. So - I checked out her email address - something about 'jumper' (also very horsey..) and thought 'what the hell - why don't I send her some fan mail!"

    Well - she emailed back today and told me she was managing a horse farm in Mount Albert and still doing the music (but mostly only in Europe where she still had a fan base) (Imagine being able to say that!) ANNNNNDDD she invited me to come riding with her at the farm. So... like, of course I'm going to go!

    It's funny the number of famous people into horses and riding. Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is a HUGE name in the the saddlebred showing community in the U.S. - and Alannah Myles shows hunters and jumpers on the A Circuit. William Shatner also shows Saddlebreds. Apparantly he is a very bad sport and whines every time he doesn't win.
    Sunday, February 12th, 2006
    12:16 pm
    awesome ride
     I just got back from a beautiful ride in the snow with my fabulous and furry horse Thunder and my darling and fluffy dog Chip. I've been pretty sick, but I was tired of being in bed, so I lugged myself up to the farm. Lifting the saddle seemed to tear my arms from their sockets (and I ride English for God's sake!) Once the horse was finally saddled and bridled ready to go, I had to endure (or rather he had to endure) the rather labourious task of me getting on. Normally this a fairly nimble activity, however, due to fever and lack of co-ordination, it took multiple tries, many of which sent me flying into the nearest snowbank. However, finally, I did manage to get my other foot to slither over his back and into the other stirrup. Once this happened, I felt so blissfully happy and at peace.
    The farm is in a very rural part of Waterloo County - a part that has filed upon fields of rolling snowy hills and in the bright sunshine of the day was heartstoppingly beautiful. We set off - Thunder cheerfully pricking his fuzzy brown ears with Chip flouncing along behind. We trotted we cantered, we stopped and looked at deer tracks and all the while I felt so happy and peaceful.
    I love having a horse and I love having a dog. Although both can be difficult and expensive and requiring of so much attention and concern, they have enriched my life in such wonderful ways.
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